Enneagram Nine Observations
Some observations about Nines from an Enneagram Coach
Here are some things I’ve noticed about Enneagram Nines that really don’t have enough text (or importance) to make a post or fill a book, but are interesting to us Enneagram nerds nonetheless.
If you are an Enneagram Nine or love an Enneagram Nine I’d love to hear from you in the comments? How do these observations resonate?
Because they have to work so hard to know themselves, its near devastating when they do all that work only for others to disregard their wishes/decisions.
Nine seems more comfortable spending money to understand someone else than to understand themself.
Nines do not like being in tension (which can feel like conflict) so certain types of media that has a lot of suspense or second hand embarrassment can be very uncomfortable for them.
Because Nines are so aware of what others want they often hear hints as demands and suggestions as orders.
In the same vein “shoulds” can be very loud to Enneagram Nines.
Silence from Nines almost never indicates agreement.
One of the worst things you can do to a Nine is try to micromanage them.
The Enneagram seems to be one of the only systems that fully captures the arch type that is Nines -which is why Nines feel so understood and attached to the Enneagram more than other types. (i.e Eights, Threes, Sevens specifically)
It’s not hard for Nines to give away their energy, it’s hard for them not to.
Nines love a good cuss word when their angry, much to others surprise. (It’s like the exclamation mark of being angry)
Nines are very good at hearing what you’re trying to say.
Hearing that they are “easy” can feel like pressure to never be “hard” (everyone is hard every now and then)
Misunderstandings are a breeding ground for conflict, so Nines tend to over explain so that there’ll be no misunderstandings.
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"The Enneagram seems to be one of the only systems that fully captures the arch type that is Nines -which is why Nines feel so understood and attached to the Enneagram more than other types."
YES. I've tested for Myers-Briggs a handful of times over the last two decades, done research into it, talked to friends who love it, and it just doesn't resonate with me. Possibly because I test as two different types, neither of which feel really like me. The Enneagram was the first thing where, when I read the description of the Nine for the first time, I was absolutely shocked and slightly scared by how well the description had me pegged!
Also yes to avoiding media with secondhand embarrassment or suspense, overexplaining, and silence not equaling agreement! And the devastation when others disregard my wishes/decisions.
As an Enneagram Nine myself, yep. And thank you for highlighting some of these important points. Generally we are portrayed in a quite simplistic way, the simpletons of the Enneagram. My inner experience is far from that.
"Nine seems more comfortable spending money to understand someone else than to understand themself." - I had never even considered that, but now that I read it like that, yes. Isn't that funny? The outward focus, away from ourselves and toward others is so strong.
"One of the worst things you can do to a Nine is try to micromanage them." - Absolutely. It is infuriating when people try to tell me what to do or how to do things. It feels like a direct attack of my autonomy and personal space.
"Silence from Nines almost never indicates agreement." - That depends on the context of course. But generally speaking: yes, indeed. Another dimension I'd love to add to this is that people typically avoid pauses and silences. We Nines breathe there.
"Nines are very good at hearing what you’re trying to say." YES and I had long pondered why I have such a natural capacity for getting what people want to communicate. This is even across language barriers. Now, after contemplating on it for a while, I am convinced that this is somehow connected to the Nine being a body type. Some kind of pre-verbal communication body reading thing, “listening with the body”.
A couple more points from myself:
- Nines ask a lot of questions, but usually don’t get asked a lot in return (that hurts you know?)
- Nines dread Interrupting someone mid-sentence, the anxiety of sharing a thought that popped up is quite intense
- Nines tend to embody different parts of themselves in different groups of friends/people
- and finally, Nines have some kind of ambivalent stance to life. We are occasionally dipping our toes into the pool (of life), but never dare really jumping in. "Do I really want to participate in this?”